Tuesday, April 05, 2005

Tinker it is!

While here at work a few days ago, I was feeling very frustrated. Felt like everything was closing in on me...kinda like I was being backed into a corner. Can't really tell you why, guess I'm just stressed out! The day took a real turn when I went to see my dad after work though....

For weeks now, I've been racking my brain trying to recall what it is that my dad used to call me when I was a kid (and even through my teenage years). He occassionally used to call me half-pint, but I knew that wasn't it. When I walked in yesterday, he got a huge smile on his face and said..."Hey Tinker!" I didn't know whether to laugh or cry. That little statement took me right back to when I was a kid and my dad would walk in from work...you could see how tired he was after a long day, but he'd always give me that smile, tousle my hair, and say "Hey Tinker", or "there's my tinker"...something to that effect.

It makes me really miss those days! I was brought up in a family where mom cooked dinner every single night (except for Friday's, when dad would get paid, and we'd head to Red Lobster), we'd all congregate at their house on Sunday's for a huge dinner (even after marriage and children), and we spent lots of time together. The family dynamics have really changed since mom passed away though. We still get together, but usually only on holidays. Mom and dad's house used to be a big revolving door, with all of us kids (and grandkids) in and out all the time. I used to spend Friday nights with my mom. We'd play with my son, who was 1 at the time, and just chill and watch tv or talk. She was one of my very best friends and I could talk to her about anything. How nice that was.

Now to try and imagine life without my dad too, is very sad. He's always been a man of very little words, rather quiet...but that was just his way. What a gentle person he is. He's totally in denial about having cancer, he thinks he is "on the road to recovery", as he tells his friends back in Tennessee. How helpless we all feel, wish there was something we could do to make it better...but there isn't. I'm just grateful that we have today...and maybe tomorrow too, there's only one person who knows the answer to that one....we shall see...

2 comments:

Peanutt said...

Hey 'Tinker! Its the Rugrat here! I'm glad that he has given you the opportunity to get the name back into your memory bank! I know I'll never forget the nickname that he gave me, or when I would walk in the front door and he'd smile and say with his southern drawl "what sewer did you crawl out from, rugrat" I knew I was loved ~ the "adopted" sixth child because I was just always there. Mom is very much missed too! The best thing you can do is spend all the time you can with Dad ~ although, I already know that you do! Well, now that this has made me sappy!
Love ya!
Beans

DJ said...

Touching post. I'm sorry to hear about your Dad's illness. My step-father was diagnosed with terminal cancer last September. He's undergoing treatment and sometimes he surprises the doctors and they say they never expected him to do so well ... other times, we all just kind of hold our breath. Like you say though, only time will tell. It sounds like you have LOTS of happy memmories to pull you through whatever comes your way, and that says a lot.