Saturday, December 06, 2008

How the time flies....

It's been ages since I have posted. Time really seems to escape me these days. Since I have last caught everyone up to speed...there have been so many changes in my life. Last post was about my mom but before that was about the annual boat trip, the one that I never ended up going on....

So, here is a very abbreviated update on everything that has been happening in the past 15 months....

8-21-07 Brian and I broke up

From that moment on...I was losing my marbles and acting like a fool. I didn't hardly ever stay home...was too hard to be there with my emotions. I walked 3 miles almost every single day, barely slept, worked and could not find a way to get a meal down. I partied like a rock star and did anything and everything I could to never be alone.

11-26-07 Brian contacted me and we talked about reconciliation. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. He walked out on me...something I thought that he would/could never do and there was so much hurt and pain, I didn't know if I could get past that and move on with him.

Of course I did decide to give him that chance and I'm really glad that I did. I was truly a mess without him in my life. As much as I hated him for the hurt he caused, I knew in my heart that I didn't want to try living without him for another second!

2-21-08 We bought a new house and started fixing it up. We got a good deal on it and it needed lots of love, but it's been well worth it. The house has turned out beautifully!

For 7 months we painted every room, tore out old carpet, installed new carpet, laminate floors, picked out countertops and sinks, etc. (You know the drill).

8-12-08 My best friend's dad lost his battle with cancer! Was very hard to handle but I'm glad that he's no longer in pain!

8-20-08 Went on the boat was great, and we had a wonderful time!!!!

9-20-08 We finally moved into our new house! Woo hoo!

11-26-08 (Thanksgiving) was spent in our new was a great day with much to be thankful for!!! My side of the family came over and it was a tradition we really hope to keep going for years to come!!!

And here we are....19 days before Christmas. Everything is coming together and I'm in a happy place!!!

I've literally come full circle in the time since Ive last posted. Been at my worst and now just happy to be where I'm at....doesn't get any better!

Thursday, July 31, 2008


Today is the 14th anniversary of my mom passing. I know I haven't written in a very long time and I will have to catch up on this past year at another time. What I want to write about today, is of course, my mom.

I was trying to sleep last night and just couldn't. Even though I was exhausted, my mind wouldn't/couldn't stop. I looked at the clock at 11:44 pm and realized that it was only minutes away from the time 14 years ago when I got that call.

It was my sister-in-law who woke me around 12:40 am to tell me that my mom was gone. I don't remember exactly what she said, I just remember screaming at her and calling her a liar! I remember gut wrenching sobs escaping me and just being furious. Not knowing what else to do...I cried and cried until I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. I honestly couldn't believe any of it was happening...

I had talked to my mom the morning was just like any other day. She said that she was going to bingo and I had planned on bringing my son over there to visit later. She said..."Okay, I'll see you then"! We said our usual 'I love you' and hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her. The last words spoken between us.

Until I lost my mom, I really took a lot for granted. I really never stopped to think that I should savor every moment and make the most of every single day and to never let a day go by without telling the people you love, just that. That you love 'em!

Now I really have a different view, a whole new perspective. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Before losing my mom, I had never even been to a funeral. (Yes, I was sheltered!) And I had never lost anybody close to me. Since then, I have been to far too many funerals. I've watched my dad take his last breath. I've said goodbyes to both of my grandmothers, 3 uncles, and many more.

What I'm getting at here, is that while I think (actually, I know) I will always have a void in my heart and will miss holidays and many other 'little' things spent with both of my parents and others I've lost...I'm going to try and celebrate all that I do have and not wallow in the past.

Today, I will make my usual homage to the cemetary. I will kiss my kids and tell them I love 'em and make sure to give Brian an extra hug and kiss too.

Life goes on....and I'm gonna live it. I know my mom would approve of that!