I think it's almost time to say goodbye to dad. As hard as that is, I can't imagine him being around (or even wanting to be around) for too much longer, with things as they are. He just got out of the hospital last night (had to come home by ambulance), and they have pretty much said that they have done all that they could do. They had planned on putting in some drainage tubes...so that as his lung refills, we could drain this fluid off...they weren't able to do that. Now I guess we have to wait until it fills again and take him back to the hospital as needed. (Don't know how well that will work, he's too stubborn!) Ugh!
I'm trying to prepare myself for what is imminently going to happen...but how do you really do that? It's all very physically and emotionally draining, and most days I just fall into bed feeling exhausted by the end of the day. I'm trying to stay at work as much as I possibly can, and yet spend as much time with him as I can. Working helps to keep me busy, I do need a break from it too, but it doesn't matter where I go or what I really do, he's always on my mind.
We have had the opportunity to be alone and do some real "talking", which has been good. I hope that I have effectively shown him how very much I love him. In fact, the other day he said that he wanted to have a party. When I asked what kind of party, he said that he wanted "a keg and all the food you can eat". I'm hoping that we can arrange something for him!!! It wouldn't be an easy task, with all the oxygen that he's on...kind of hard to even get him out of the house at this point. Maybe we'll just have to do something at my sister's...gonna work on it.
I'm sorry these posts are a tad bit depressing...but this is where I come to vent, instead of laying all this "stuff" on everyone else. It's nice to be able to just say what you feel and not have to worry about it.
Till the next post!!