Thursday, April 14, 2005

Nearing the end...

I think it's almost time to say goodbye to dad. As hard as that is, I can't imagine him being around (or even wanting to be around) for too much longer, with things as they are. He just got out of the hospital last night (had to come home by ambulance), and they have pretty much said that they have done all that they could do. They had planned on putting in some drainage that as his lung refills, we could drain this fluid off...they weren't able to do that. Now I guess we have to wait until it fills again and take him back to the hospital as needed. (Don't know how well that will work, he's too stubborn!) Ugh!

I'm trying to prepare myself for what is imminently going to happen...but how do you really do that? It's all very physically and emotionally draining, and most days I just fall into bed feeling exhausted by the end of the day. I'm trying to stay at work as much as I possibly can, and yet spend as much time with him as I can. Working helps to keep me busy, I do need a break from it too, but it doesn't matter where I go or what I really do, he's always on my mind.

We have had the opportunity to be alone and do some real "talking", which has been good. I hope that I have effectively shown him how very much I love him. In fact, the other day he said that he wanted to have a party. When I asked what kind of party, he said that he wanted "a keg and all the food you can eat". I'm hoping that we can arrange something for him!!! It wouldn't be an easy task, with all the oxygen that he's on...kind of hard to even get him out of the house at this point. Maybe we'll just have to do something at my sister's...gonna work on it.

I'm sorry these posts are a tad bit depressing...but this is where I come to vent, instead of laying all this "stuff" on everyone else. It's nice to be able to just say what you feel and not have to worry about it.

Till the next post!!



DJ said...

It IS good for you to have a place to vent! I can't imagine how stressful and exhausting this must be for you. I worry, loose sleep, and stress out about my step-father and I'm nearly half a world away. My sister lives near my parents and she's the one doing all the assiting, and being the biggest chunk of moral support for my mom. I feel bad about that, but I'm really glad she's there for them.

I'm sure your dad knows how much you care for and love him. There's probably not a doubt in his mind!

I hope you can have that party for him. Keep us posted.

Jennifer said...

It is nice that you are getting the opportunity to reallly show your love for your father during this time. Many people do not get that oportunity. I know this must be weighing heavy on your soul, and just wanted you to know that a stranger is praying for you, and your family.

jlybn123 said...

Thanks for all the wonderful comments and support...thanks also for taking the time out of your day to think of me. It is very much appreciated!! =)

Peanutt said...

Well, not really much to say, because you know how I feel. Sad. That depressing word. It is good to have a place to vent to not have to worry about other people, but its also nice to release when you know you can cry on that shoulder! Sometimes a crying hug can make you feel just a smidgen better! You know we're not strangers to the crying hug.
Dad does know you love him!!!!! I wish I could make him better!
The new puppy will give you some joy through all of this. Strange how pet therapy works! Its either that or they stress you out by pooping on the floor! LOL!
Love ya honey, and you know where my shoulder is at! Hugz~

jlybn123 said...

Tina (peanutt),
Honey, I know that you are always there, no doubt about that. I just have a hard time talking too much about it, without getting both of us too emotional. You are my rock...always have been...always will be.

Love ya so much!!!

Peanutt said...

Love ya beanie-weanie!!!!