Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Merry belated Christmas to all!

I hope that the holidays were wonderful for everyone! I know that my kiddies are certainly very happy with their spoils, as they've barely shown their faces in 2 days. I have to walk into their bedrooms and remind them that it's time to eat or shower or maybe get a drink, go pee...stuff like that. LOL And there's no losing Tyler, I can hear the slaying sounds of his light saber being thrusted and jabbed into his imaginary opponent for about 4 hours of my day. We will go through numerous batteries this week, I'm sure. Their gaming chairs were a big hit, as well. Corey sat greasy haired, in his chair from the time he woke up yesterday, until it was time for bed. As I said, I had to remind him to eat and shower! Today, I'm taking them to use their gift certificates and just do some running around. Get us all out of the house for a while.

I found that the 3-4 days preceding Christmas left me feeling very melancholy. It's the first Christmas without my dad, and though I really tried not to let it get to me, it hit me with a vengenance. My kids were with their dad, my boyfriend was constantly working, (he put in about 120 hours last week), and being home by myself every night, just wasn't a good thing. I felt really bad, for not truly being in the holiday spirit, but I was dealing with a ton of turmoil in my head. So eventually, I just gave up the fight and allowed myself to whimper, whine and cry until I couldn't whimper, whine or cry anymore. It was truly relieving, to an extent. At least I got it out of my system!

It's kind of funny, because I thought that I was dealing with everything pretty well. My sister had actually been really sad and "down" for weeks, I was there to help and try to pick her back up...had no clue that I was spiraling down myself. I kept thinking that I just wished that we could all have the holiday together, just one more time. Don't know why that was my main focus, but that was at the forefront of all of my thoughts. Every single time that would pop in my head, tears would pop into my eyes, and there was just no stopping it.

By Christmas morning, I was doing better and very excited for my kids. I went to Brian's in the morning and watched his kids open all of their gifts, we exchanged ours, and then we sat down for breakfast together. I realized then, that even though my parents aren't around anymore, I truly do have the love of his parents, and that was a huge comfort. My kids got home shortly after, ripped through their carefully wrapped packages in record time and then we all trooped over to my brother's for a wonderful dinner, a few drinks, and a ton of laughs.

It came out that every single one of us had been going through the same exact struggles this past week, about dad and that also left me feeling that at least I wasn't the only one. My brother came out with this picture of my dad, has to be one of the best ones ever taken of him. He was fishing that day, and there's a whole story behind the huge grin on his face, but it's truly a picture worth a thousand words.

On top of this picture, we all got a gift from my aunt. I don't know where this came from, but all of the sudden a package was handed to me and I was told, "open it". What I found inside almost made me it is....

I know that you probably can't read what it says, so here it is;

Merry Christmas From Heaven

I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintery nights

I still share your hopes
and all of your cares
I'll even remind you
to please say your prayers

I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd

Keep trying each moment
to stay in His grace
I came here before you
to help set your place

You don't have to be
perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb

To my family and friends
please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way

I love you all dearly
now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my Christmas
With Jesus this year!

So, with that, I put aside my selfish tears and was happy that I had my kids, my brothers and sisters, my boyfriend and all of my friends, to make new memories with. I'm truly doing okay, I think I've already gotten past the biggest hurdles. I am very thankful for what I did have then, and what I do have now.

On that note, I'm fixing breakfast and then me and the boys are off to hang out and spend some gift certificates!

Have a great day!

Wednesday, December 21, 2005


I don't know how it happened, but I've come to the conclusion that I am a bonified lurker these days. I have been trying to keep up with my usual reads, and comment on very few, but just haven't been in the mood to write very much.

This is what's happening these days;

My oldest has been having issues at school and home...I'm trying to get him straightened out, which has been no small task. For those of you that don't have teens (or pre-teens), talking to them is similar to talking to a wall! Yikes! I'm doing everything I can to work out all of his issues, but this ain't easy! We are spending next week together and I hope that having more one on one than usual, will be a stepping stone in working out these issues.

Brian has been working day and night, barely sleeping, and I've really been missing having the quiet and intimate time that I'm used to having with him. While I'm trying very hard to be patient and understanding, it's wearing on me a bit. Tonight, we actually got a few hours of "alone" time, and we spent it sleeping. When we woke up, I made some dinner and then we took some silly pics, we were just getting ready to go to bed, when he got called in to work....again!

This is the way I get to "see" him, for the most part lately....

This was one of the pics from tonight, it was after several other pics had been taken. By this time, we were laughing so hard that our bellies hurt and we almost had tears running down our faces! (And those are underwear laying near his head...don't ask!)

Only a few days until's hard to believe, it feels like Halloween just passed. Here is my Charlie Brown tree....

I let the kids decorate it, and didn't even rearrange it after they were done! LOL I hope ya'll are proud of me because normally, I would wait until they go to bed and then go to town moving things until I am satisfied! This year, I thought they did a pretty good job and just left it at that!

You will notice, that it's very bare underneath...that would be because the children will search through the house to find their gifts! Nice, huh? I'm not taking that chance again. All of their gifts are at my sister's house, which is where they will stay until the night before the kids open them. I'm not having them ruin their Christmas this year!

I'm heading off to try and sleep now. I hope everyone has a great holiday, if I don't write before then!

Merry Christmas!

Tuesday, December 06, 2005


I have felt it gurgling within me, for a while now...I have held back more times than I can count.

A few days ago, I walked in the door after work to find; one child kicking a bedroom door and the other one yelling at the top of his lungs. I lost it. Yes, mommy had a severe meltdown. Many tears were cried, and they didn't come from my eyes. While I really felt bad for also yelling at the top of my lungs (thus acting as childish as them), I needed to let them know that I'm tired of them walking all over me! It was actually refreshing.

I warned them that if their disgusting rooms were not cleaned by the time they left for their dad's this weekend, that mommy would clean them however I saw fit. I also warned them, that whatever I found on their floors, I would assume was something they didn't care about and would be put in a trash bag and thrown out. They freaked! Both were in tears with Tyler laying on his floor, I could see how overwhelmed he felt, but I didn't care. A mommy can only take so much, before she loses her ever loving mind...and I did. There, I have admitted it. Isn't that the first step? LOL

Now, this isn't just coming out of the blue though. I have asked them (very nicely), several times, to just clean their rooms. Simple as that...'just clean your rooms and you will have a happy mommy'. But they didn't heed my warnings and have now paid the price. They were both a wreck and you literally couldn't even walk in them. Most of their belongings had no "place" and were just thrown all over. How they can find anything at all, is beyond me!

My house may not be perfect, and I certainly, "let it go" from time to time...but this was way beyond that! When their doors would be ajar and I would walk by these monstrosities I would literally cringe. That's pretty bad! For a few weeks now, I've actually considered going in there and doing it myself, but what will that teach them? That they can keep it as messy as they'd like, and I will just march right in there and pick up their mess? Nah, I don't think that will work!

Tyler did a great job, while Brian and I ran out for a bit, he really worked his butt off, (with a bit of instruction from my next door neighbor), but regardless, he has cleaned it and kept it very neat for the remainder of this week. I am happy! Corey however, hasn't heeded my warning and his just, "picked up" a bit and thinks that is suffice. Little does he know, that mommy is sticking to her word and going in there this weekend while they are gone and seriously going through it with a fine tooth comb! He will not be a happy camper when he returns to find that I have gone through ALL of his belongings! (insert evil laugh and grin here) I think there might be a bit of pleasure in this and actually look forward to it!

Well there you have it, that's my rant for the day! Have a great one!

Thursday, December 01, 2005


*Cooking has never really been one of my strongest points, but I get by. The other night while making dinner, I had a shelf in my cupboard fall and glass rained down, all over the stovetop. It just so happened, that I had JUST taken dinner out of the oven, and glass was everywhere! I cleaned up the mess, salvaged what I could, recooked some veggies, and we ate whatever hadn't been right in the line of fire.

The next day I decided to cook something light for Brian and I (my kids were with their dad). I made some Velveeta shells and cheese and baked potatoes with all the fixings. It turned out good, a pretty fool proof meal, or so I thought.

I was done with mine, and gave Brian an extra helping of mac n' cheese. He's a happy camper and gets about 2 bites into it, and I hear him crunch on something very hard. All the sudden he starts sputtering, and spitting his bite of food onto the plate. He finds something white and hard in there...yeah, it was a nice hunk of glass. There was one pot on the stove when everything fell the other night, it was clean and I didn't even think about checking it before cooking with it. Ugh! What a dumb ass!

**My man has been MIA lately.

Work, work, work. Last Sunday he was called in at 2pm and worked straight until Tuesday. No sleep, nothing. I was pretty upset, because he is working on heavy machinery digging around gas lines with no sleep. That just doesn't make sense to me!

I've been having a hard time sleeping too. I wake up every couple hours feeling around, to see if he's there or not. So needless to say, I feel pretty whipped by the end of the day.

Will be glad when he doesn't have to work all hours of the day and night anymore!!!

***The basement is flooded.

Yesterday, I woke up at 6 and made my way to the basement to get some laundry out of the dryer. I didn't turn the laundry room light on, I know my way around. Well, I should have...I stepped in about an inch of cold water. Blech!

Water was flowing out of the top and bottom of the tank, and it sounded as if I had a waterfall in there! LOL I woke Brian and had him turn off all the water, got the kids ready for school and then cleaned up the mess.

Things went as smoothly as they possibly could. His cousin came over and had it replaced by about 1, yesterday afternoon.

I still have bags full of wet clothes, that I have to wash ASAP, but all in all, things are back to normal now.

****Christmas shopping.

I've done pretty well on my shopping, thus far. Actually, have tons more done than I normally would by this time. Can't believe that there are only 24 days until Christmas though! Yikes!

Well, that's what is going on around here! What's new and exciting on your end???