Jlybns Daily Adventures

Sunday, December 06, 2009

One year later...

I've barely thought about this blog for months now and what are the chances that I'd decide to log in exactly one year later and just feel the need to write?! lol Hard to recap one year but that's what I'm gonna do.

As per usual there have been some major ups and downs. For a while there, I'd almost given up on my relationship with Brian. Things were pretty bad between us. We could barely have a conversation, let alone do anything constructive. There was a point where I was actually looking at apartments and I was going to move out of the house. I couldn't see how things could even turn around. We had both become angry and resentful and it was just not a relationship I could even contemplate staying in. I finally told him that I was moving out and somehow it turned everything around. I can't say that we haven't had our moments since then but that was definitely a turning point. Somehow we have found a way to work it out and I think we are stronger for it. He truly is my best friend and I know in my heart that my life just wouldn't/couldn't be the same without him in it. It's nice to have a happy healthy relationship again. I don't take it for granted.

There have been major changes with the kids as well. My oldest started getting in trouble in August and decided that he didn't want to deal with the consequences of his actions and that he'd be better off living with his dad. While I certainly didn't want him to leave, at the same time after getting into a huge argument with him over HAVING HIS HAIR CUT and him telling me that he's always wanted to live with his dad, I decided to let him go and see if the grass really was greener. Our relationship is still strained and uncomfortable, which just kills me inside but I know it is for the best. The house is so much calmer without him and his brother fighting constantly, Tyler is doing much better and is happier and my relationship with Brian is so much less strained because there just isn't constant animosity and stress.

I did have to go to court last week because my ex was petitioning for custody of my youngest as well, but it didn't go his way and no change was made. He did get actual custody of Corey, which is fine because there isn't any turning back with him now. There's no way he could come back here and everything just work out. He's far too used to not having rules, he is disrespectful to his dad and tells him to F*** off when he doesn't get his way, all of his grades have dropped from A's to B's and C's and he's already had a car accident and left the scene. Thank goodness noone was hurt and he said it happened because he was scared and didn't know what to do but the point is...he has no guidance and has made it quite clear that he has no respect for me and my opinion so I pretty much keep my opinions to myself. Hopefully, he can look back on all of this and realize that I truly was trying my best to do what was best for him...I pray for that day. In the meantime, I will spend every other weekend with him and just do the best I can at sticking to my guns and being a mom.

We acquired 2 dogs about 3 months ago...they are black cocker and britney spaniel mixes. Adorable, but tons of work at the same time. To this day, they wake us up at 6 something in the morning HOWLING at the top of their lungs. It isn't pretty...just like having babies but I'm hoping that they will mellow out in time. One is very mild mannered, while the other is just crazy! lol

Well, I think that about wraps it up for now. It's been nice to write again, since it's been so long. I hope everyone is doing well...not that anyone probably even looks at this anymore but if so... :0) just for you!!!

Posted by jlybn123 :: 10:55 PM :: 0 Comments:

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Saturday, December 06, 2008

How the time flies....

It's been ages since I have posted. Time really seems to escape me these days. Since I have last caught everyone up to speed...there have been so many changes in my life. Last post was about my mom but before that was about the annual boat trip, the one that I never ended up going on....

So, here is a very abbreviated update on everything that has been happening in the past 15 months....

8-21-07 Brian and I broke up

From that moment on...I was losing my marbles and acting like a fool. I didn't hardly ever stay home...was too hard to be there with my emotions. I walked 3 miles almost every single day, barely slept, worked and could not find a way to get a meal down. I partied like a rock star and did anything and everything I could to never be alone.

11-26-07 Brian contacted me and we talked about reconciliation. It was one of the hardest decisions I've ever had to make. He walked out on me...something I thought that he would/could never do and there was so much hurt and pain, I didn't know if I could get past that and move on with him.

Of course I did decide to give him that chance and I'm really glad that I did. I was truly a mess without him in my life. As much as I hated him for the hurt he caused, I knew in my heart that I didn't want to try living without him for another second!

2-21-08 We bought a new house and started fixing it up. We got a good deal on it and it needed lots of love, but it's been well worth it. The house has turned out beautifully!

For 7 months we painted every room, tore out old carpet, installed new carpet, laminate floors, picked out countertops and sinks, etc. (You know the drill).

8-12-08 My best friend's dad lost his battle with cancer! Was very hard to handle but I'm glad that he's no longer in pain!

8-20-08 Went on the boat trip...it was great, and we had a wonderful time!!!!

9-20-08 We finally moved into our new house! Woo hoo!

11-26-08 (Thanksgiving) was spent in our new house...it was a great day with much to be thankful for!!! My side of the family came over and it was a tradition we really hope to keep going for years to come!!!

And here we are....19 days before Christmas. Everything is coming together and I'm in a happy place!!!

I've literally come full circle in the time since Ive last posted. Been at my worst and now just happy to be where I'm at....doesn't get any better!

Posted by jlybn123 :: 5:47 PM :: 1 Comments:

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Thursday, July 31, 2008

MY MOM! XOXOX

Today is the 14th anniversary of my mom passing. I know I haven't written in a very long time and I will have to catch up on this past year at another time. What I want to write about today, is of course, my mom.

I was trying to sleep last night and just couldn't. Even though I was exhausted, my mind wouldn't/couldn't stop. I looked at the clock at 11:44 pm and realized that it was only minutes away from the time 14 years ago when I got that call.

It was my sister-in-law who woke me around 12:40 am to tell me that my mom was gone. I don't remember exactly what she said, I just remember screaming at her and calling her a liar! I remember gut wrenching sobs escaping me and just being furious. Not knowing what else to do...I cried and cried until I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. I honestly couldn't believe any of it was happening...

I had talked to my mom the morning before...it was just like any other day. She said that she was going to bingo and I had planned on bringing my son over there to visit later. She said..."Okay, I'll see you then"! We said our usual 'I love you' and hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her. The last words spoken between us.

Until I lost my mom, I really took a lot for granted. I really never stopped to think that I should savor every moment and make the most of every single day and to never let a day go by without telling the people you love, just that. That you love 'em!

Now I really have a different view, a whole new perspective. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Before losing my mom, I had never even been to a funeral. (Yes, I was sheltered!) And I had never lost anybody close to me. Since then, I have been to far too many funerals. I've watched my dad take his last breath. I've said goodbyes to both of my grandmothers, 3 uncles, and many more.

What I'm getting at here, is that while I think (actually, I know) I will always have a void in my heart and will miss holidays and many other 'little' things spent with both of my parents and others I've lost...I'm going to try and celebrate all that I do have and not wallow in the past.

Today, I will make my usual homage to the cemetary. I will kiss my kids and tell them I love 'em and make sure to give Brian an extra hug and kiss too.

Life goes on....and I'm gonna live it. I know my mom would approve of that!

Posted by jlybn123 :: 12:11 PM :: 0 Comments:

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