Today is the 14th anniversary of my mom passing. I know I haven't written in a very long time and I will have to catch up on this past year at another time. What I want to write about today, is of course, my mom.
I was trying to sleep last night and just couldn't. Even though I was exhausted, my mind wouldn't/couldn't stop. I looked at the clock at 11:44 pm and realized that it was only minutes away from the time 14 years ago when I got that call.
It was my sister-in-law who woke me around 12:40 am to tell me that my mom was gone. I don't remember exactly what she said, I just remember screaming at her and calling her a liar! I remember gut wrenching sobs escaping me and just being furious. Not knowing what else to do...I cried and cried until I fell asleep out of sheer exhaustion. I honestly couldn't believe any of it was happening...
I had talked to my mom the morning before...it was just like any other day. She said that she was going to bingo and I had planned on bringing my son over there to visit later. She said..."Okay, I'll see you then"! We said our usual 'I love you' and hung up. That was the last time I spoke to her. The last words spoken between us.
Until I lost my mom, I really took a lot for granted. I really never stopped to think that I should savor every moment and make the most of every single day and to never let a day go by without telling the people you love, just that. That you love 'em!
Now I really have a different view, a whole new perspective. You never know what tomorrow will bring. Before losing my mom, I had never even been to a funeral. (Yes, I was sheltered!) And I had never lost anybody close to me. Since then, I have been to far too many funerals. I've watched my dad take his last breath. I've said goodbyes to both of my grandmothers, 3 uncles, and many more.
What I'm getting at here, is that while I think (actually, I know) I will always have a void in my heart and will miss holidays and many other 'little' things spent with both of my parents and others I've lost...I'm going to try and celebrate all that I do have and not wallow in the past.
Today, I will make my usual homage to the cemetary. I will kiss my kids and tell them I love 'em and make sure to give Brian an extra hug and kiss too.
Life goes on....and I'm gonna live it. I know my mom would approve of that!