Sunday, December 06, 2009

One year later...

I've barely thought about this blog for months now and what are the chances that I'd decide to log in exactly one year later and just feel the need to write?! lol Hard to recap one year but that's what I'm gonna do.

As per usual there have been some major ups and downs. For a while there, I'd almost given up on my relationship with Brian. Things were pretty bad between us. We could barely have a conversation, let alone do anything constructive. There was a point where I was actually looking at apartments and I was going to move out of the house. I couldn't see how things could even turn around. We had both become angry and resentful and it was just not a relationship I could even contemplate staying in. I finally told him that I was moving out and somehow it turned everything around. I can't say that we haven't had our moments since then but that was definitely a turning point. Somehow we have found a way to work it out and I think we are stronger for it. He truly is my best friend and I know in my heart that my life just wouldn't/couldn't be the same without him in it. It's nice to have a happy healthy relationship again. I don't take it for granted.

There have been major changes with the kids as well. My oldest started getting in trouble in August and decided that he didn't want to deal with the consequences of his actions and that he'd be better off living with his dad. While I certainly didn't want him to leave, at the same time after getting into a huge argument with him over HAVING HIS HAIR CUT and him telling me that he's always wanted to live with his dad, I decided to let him go and see if the grass really was greener. Our relationship is still strained and uncomfortable, which just kills me inside but I know it is for the best. The house is so much calmer without him and his brother fighting constantly, Tyler is doing much better and is happier and my relationship with Brian is so much less strained because there just isn't constant animosity and stress.

I did have to go to court last week because my ex was petitioning for custody of my youngest as well, but it didn't go his way and no change was made. He did get actual custody of Corey, which is fine because there isn't any turning back with him now. There's no way he could come back here and everything just work out. He's far too used to not having rules, he is disrespectful to his dad and tells him to F*** off when he doesn't get his way, all of his grades have dropped from A's to B's and C's and he's already had a car accident and left the scene. Thank goodness noone was hurt and he said it happened because he was scared and didn't know what to do but the point is...he has no guidance and has made it quite clear that he has no respect for me and my opinion so I pretty much keep my opinions to myself. Hopefully, he can look back on all of this and realize that I truly was trying my best to do what was best for him...I pray for that day. In the meantime, I will spend every other weekend with him and just do the best I can at sticking to my guns and being a mom.

We acquired 2 dogs about 3 months ago...they are black cocker and britney spaniel mixes. Adorable, but tons of work at the same time. To this day, they wake us up at 6 something in the morning HOWLING at the top of their lungs. It isn't pretty...just like having babies but I'm hoping that they will mellow out in time. One is very mild mannered, while the other is just crazy! lol

Well, I think that about wraps it up for now. It's been nice to write again, since it's been so long. I hope everyone is doing well...not that anyone probably even looks at this anymore but if so... :0) just for you!!!

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