I hope that the holidays were wonderful for everyone! I know that my kiddies are certainly very happy with their spoils, as they've barely shown their faces in 2 days. I have to walk into their bedrooms and remind them that it's time to eat or shower or maybe get a drink, go pee...stuff like that. LOL And there's no losing Tyler, I can hear the slaying sounds of his light saber being thrusted and jabbed into his imaginary opponent for about 4 hours of my day. We will go through numerous batteries this week, I'm sure. Their gaming chairs were a big hit, as well. Corey sat greasy haired, in his chair from the time he woke up yesterday, until it was time for bed. As I said, I had to remind him to eat and shower! Today, I'm taking them to use their gift certificates and just do some running around. Get us all out of the house for a while.
I found that the 3-4 days preceding Christmas left me feeling very melancholy. It's the first Christmas without my dad, and though I really tried not to let it get to me, it hit me with a vengenance. My kids were with their dad, my boyfriend was constantly working, (he put in about 120 hours last week), and being home by myself every night, just wasn't a good thing. I felt really bad, for not truly being in the holiday spirit, but I was dealing with a ton of turmoil in my head. So eventually, I just gave up the fight and allowed myself to whimper, whine and cry until I couldn't whimper, whine or cry anymore. It was truly relieving, to an extent. At least I got it out of my system!
It's kind of funny, because I thought that I was dealing with everything pretty well. My sister had actually been really sad and "down" for weeks, I was there to help and try to pick her back up...had no clue that I was spiraling down myself. I kept thinking that I just wished that we could all have the holiday together, just one more time. Don't know why that was my main focus, but that was at the forefront of all of my thoughts. Every single time that would pop in my head, tears would pop into my eyes, and there was just no stopping it.
By Christmas morning, I was doing better and very excited for my kids. I went to Brian's in the morning and watched his kids open all of their gifts, we exchanged ours, and then we sat down for breakfast together. I realized then, that even though my parents aren't around anymore, I truly do have the love of his parents, and that was a huge comfort. My kids got home shortly after, ripped through their carefully wrapped packages in record time and then we all trooped over to my brother's for a wonderful dinner, a few drinks, and a ton of laughs.
It came out that every single one of us had been going through the same exact struggles this past week, about dad and that also left me feeling that at least I wasn't the only one. My brother came out with this picture of my dad, has to be one of the best ones ever taken of him. He was fishing that day, and there's a whole story behind the huge grin on his face, but it's truly a picture worth a thousand words.
On top of this picture, we all got a gift from my aunt. I don't know where this came from, but all of the sudden a package was handed to me and I was told, "open it". What I found inside almost made me crumble...here it is....
I know that you probably can't read what it says, so here it is;
Merry Christmas From Heaven
I still hear the songs
I still see the lights
I still feel your love
on cold wintery nights
I still share your hopes
and all of your cares
I'll even remind you
to please say your prayers
I just want to tell you
you still make me proud
You stand head and shoulders
above all the crowd
Keep trying each moment
to stay in His grace
I came here before you
to help set your place
You don't have to be
perfect all of the time
He forgives you the slip
If you continue the climb
To my family and friends
please be thankful today
I'm still close beside you
In a new special way
I love you all dearly
now don't shed a tear
Cause I'm spending my Christmas
With Jesus this year!
So, with that, I put aside my selfish tears and was happy that I had my kids, my brothers and sisters, my boyfriend and all of my friends, to make new memories with. I'm truly doing okay, I think I've already gotten past the biggest hurdles. I am very thankful for what I did have then, and what I do have now.
On that note, I'm fixing breakfast and then me and the boys are off to hang out and spend some gift certificates!
Have a great day!
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